Screaming Infidelities

It’s always a struggle. A struggle for liberty, a struggle for truth, a struggle for justice. No one can ever say that this fight for democracy has met its end. It will always be a fight. It will never end when someone dies, it will surely not end when someone steps down. It’s a struggle to sustain. It’s a struggle between those who are in power and those who are powerless.

It’s a matter of listening and speaking up, a matter of looking at the big picture and realizing the small details within. If those who are in power doesn’t realize that before changing the big picture to a better one that they need to do some change in the little details, nothing will ever change. It will only be putting band aid solutions when there is an infection within. It’s an escape.

Our society doesn’t need leaders who promise good life. We need someone who will help us get through. Just like what Jesus said, don’t give men fish, teach men how to fish. But the burden is not only on those who have the power, we as citizens also have a responsibility. We are part of the nation building because we are the nation. If we don’t learn how to work for ourselves and to admit that we also have our own share of faults at why our society became this dreadful one, no one can ever help us.

My point here, my friends, is that this is not a one way relationship. We cannot forever condemn those who have worked  their way up to gain power and try to change the system. We cannot remain apathetic to whatever is happening in this country. You are a part of this nation and this nation needs your help.

Most of the people in this population thinks that our country is hopeless and that they would rather go somewhere where “the grass is greener”. Don’t you think that we have our own land to grow greener grass on? Don’t you think it is possible for us to be the “greener pasture” in due time?

I think it is possible. Maybe not now, or even in the near future. But someday. When the day that people start thinking that change really is possible comes. When the time where children think the Philippines is such a great country and that it should be loved and respected. When people stop spitting on our land and pissing on our grounds.

When that time comes.

For now, we can only do so much as to stay and help our countrymen realize the honor of serving our own. We are Filipinos and we are for the Philippines.

There is nothing wrong with going abroad to earn money… as long as we don’t stop at the material satisfaction. As long as we go back to our roots and give back to the nation that has honed us to be the person that we are now.

Before we can serve the whole humanity, we have to start within ourselves. Serve our nation. Serve our people.

For the past few weeks I’ve been very very very busy with my acads. Thesis, papers, ethnographies, exams and what have you! Exhausting? Yeah, super. But more than that, I feel really sad that I am again, alone. layo noh? labo pa. Anyhoo, it’s 3 inthe morning and I have 2 exams today. I don’t know why I am not reviewing my handouts (I still have a lot tomemorize) but I just can’t sleep.

I’m a bothered kid, I know. But I’ve never been bothered like this before. There are so many things in my mind right now and I can’t even think about them all at once. Maybe, it’s just that all of the things I should have thought about before have all piled up into this great mess I can’t get out of.

But more than being a mess right now, I am really confused with all the things that’s been happening in my life.. from my practicum.. to my orgs… and even to what direction my future is leading me.

It’s too early to be bothered, but I am….

I hope I get over this quickly.

I know this blog won’t be enough but I’d like to thank all those people who listened, believed, and trusted my vision for the CAS Student Council.

Until now, I’m still lost for words. I know what to say, but I don’t know how to say it. I can’t seem to find the perfect words to express my feelings right now… But of course, this is just the beginning of another long journey. I am looking forward to AY 2009 – 2010.

It feels great to have the opportunity to give back to college that molded me to the person I am now.. to the heart of UP Manila. CAS.

SPECIAL MENTION:
Block 6-06 [mahal ko kayo!! ]
LCPards [thanks for fighting for me and fighting with me. thanks for listening to me every night and for bearing with me. I love you, PFF!]
Robin Aguila and Mary De Guzman [Goooo 07! Grabe, 3 years na pala. Time flies so fast, di ko na napapansin. Haha. Thanks for being my solid Campaign Managers for 3 years in a row.. the best kayo! i just want you both to know na I'm so happy that you were with me all those while.. it's always better when we're together! haha]
Aya Bautista [Kaya yan, this is just the beginning, galingan mo pa! =) Thanks for all the help. I've learned so much from you and I know, someday, matutupad din ang Lolo mo! Haha!]
Beckz Caisip
Lorra Sayson [para sa tapa!! hahaha. Good job darling!]
Mona Santuele
Len Aleria
Jill Avena[love you, nanay!]
Sigma Alpha Nu Sorority [Lahat na sisses! Hehehe. ]
Chia Olivar and Sheela Bautista
Paula Figuerres and Chai Montero
Jennifer Macapagal [waaaaaaaaah. thanks ate.. kahit wala ka dito, tinutulungan mo pa rin ako... mahal kita, uwi ka na ah?]
Jow Poblete
Rotaract UPM
UPM Indayog Dance Varsity
Bestsoc
Area Studies Major
Charles Salazar
To my VolCorps!! [Ange, Rizza, Iona, Fish, Jamie, Jeff, Camille, Anna, Becca, (mga 1st yr block 6), Kris, and lahaaaaaaaat kayo.... thanks for you all out support during the campaign. I hope suportahan niyo din ang council. =)]
DB S
Robert Go [mula nung 2nd yr Rep palang ako, at ngayon, nandyan ka pa rin para sumuporta. Salamat!! ]
Orcom 08 and 09 [specially sa mga batchmate ko na toxic na toxic sa kanilang buhay. mabuhay kayo. ]
Alpha Sigma Fraternity [Congrats Sprix!]
Terry Ridon
Dev Stud students =)
Com Sci people!
sa lahat lahat na..
BS Bio, BS Biochem, BA PolSci, BA PhilArts,
syempre Vodka Family [in fairness, pati si Luj andiyan din. =)]

kasama na rin yung mga taga-ibang college na sumuporta. =) maraming salamat. mabuhay kayo.
(para dun sa di ko naisama dyan, pinasasalamatan ko kayo ng buong puso…. di ko talaga maexpress lahat lahat lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. Maraming salamat!)

Simula pa lamang ito ng isang mahaba at nawa’y matiwasay na taon. Mabuhay tayong lahat.

Stressful days are here and I’m still stuck. I’m not moving forward.

I’ve been counting days and nights, but still no progress. Oh well. Life sucks that way, there’s nothing I can do about it.

Right now, I have less than 5 hours to finish my 6 pages Introduction [chapter 1] and my methodology [chapter3]. I can’t believe that I allowed myself to sleep the night off when I wasn’t able to finish anything. Except for the methodology part, I’m sorta almost done with that.. Haha.

Anyway there.. I am yet again multi-slacking.. the only thing I do the best during these times of life.

Seriously, I can’t think of anything sensible to put in my thesis proposal. I haven’t consulted with my adviser and professor yet, so good luck to me. It’s not that I am to lazy to consult. It’s just that I didn’t see her in school the whole week and I don’t know where to find her. Most of my blockmates who are under her weren’t able to consult either! (I think)

I know it’s not a good enough reason to NOT do anything about my paper. I am not trying to justify my slack. (REALLY)

My frustrations are eating me and I don’t know what to do. I know I have set all my plans and now, none of it are working right. I have to reset everything.

On other news:
Earlier this weekend, my sister gave birth to a beautiful girl named Ashley Maya. We visited her at the hospital and geez, it was amazing!

I can’t believe that my sister is now a mom… and that I am now a real “auntie”. Haha. I am excited to have the baby here at home and most probably I’ll be going home more often.

Here’s a picture of our little girl:

It’s amazing how time pass by so fast. I remember not so long ago.. my sister is just a teenager, like me. But now, she’s a grown woman with the responsibility of caring for another living human. I am so happy. For the longest time, we’ve been longing for a little one to lighten up our home and now here she is..

I know my sister will do well in raising her kid, just like our mom raised us. I must admit, I am envious of her. Haha. I want a baby too!! (but of course, not anytime soon). But if I will be blessed and God will give me one (even not conceptually speaking), I will gladly accept it. Maybe I should consider adoption! haha

It’s a calm Sunday afternoon here in the South, and I am relaxing.. detoxifying, and browsing through the net. I came along this article in StumbleUpon which made me think about my humanness and everything that comes with it.

It just made me feel like being lost(refer to my previous blog) is just normal, and that I should not be scared of losing and/or getting lost.

I know, I know..life is all about taking chances and making risks.. but how do you know if you are being human or not? Find out here..

Ten Rules for Being Human

by Cherie Carter-Scott

True enough, right? Everything that happens in your life depends on the decisions you make, on the lessons you learn, and the mistakes you keep on doing. There really is no one to blame, but yourself. No one to depend on but your own capabilities. No one to trust but your own instincts.

Your choices define your future.

As for me, I made the wrong choices, but I choose to make things right from those wrong decisions. At the end of the day, it’s not the things I choose that will define me, but how I worked my way around the path I am in.

I’ve got nothing to lose.

There are a lot of things I don’t understand, a lot of things I’m uncertain of.  I know, things aren’t always what they seem, but I’d rather not look.

Right now, I’m in a place where I don’t know the people around.. I don’t know what street I am in… or whatever my purpose is.. and I don’t know what to do.

Somehow, I still think that I am still fortunate to be in this situation. Other people may be into something worse. I know I am not in the position to question the Supreme One’s purpose for my life…. but I can’t help but ask..

Ask why I have to be here.. why I have to lose and give so much.. why I have to be so clueless of everything. I don’t know.

How do I feel about it?

I still don’t know. I’m lost. I know I should not feel bad about where my life is going because I chose this path.. but this is not how I pictured the road I’m going to take.

Maybe I missed the pavement.. I missed the sidewalk.. I didn’t see the people around that area.. I just saw the road.. and the end of it.

That’s what I get for not planning everything.. not planning everything thoroughly. and it sucks.

Two weeks ended so fast and I can’t believe I’m leaving again tomorrow. Sigh. Have I made the most out of this vacation? I’ll have to sa.. YES. Even though I spent most of the time here at home. Even though my mom had to nag out all the spirit of laziness in me.

This was one of the most memorable vacations I’ve ever had. I’ve learned a lot of things. I’ve met new friends, and known them better. I’ve actually spent time with my father without the fear of having an argument or discussion.

Tomorrow, I shall leave this sanctuary and go back to the reality of toxicity, pollution, academic stress and extra/co curr. pressures.

And I am home.

I googled PMS and I finally understood why this part of my life is the worst. I looked at the Risk Factors and I realized that I have a high risk of PMS-ing based on those factors.

What happens when Juvy is PMS-ing?

1. She becomes over emotional.
o There was this one time when I just started crying over everything, just because. The next day, I was feeling depressed and I had my period. Soooo, if I’m emotional for no apparent reason, I’m just PMS-ing.

2. She suffers abdominal cramps for hours.
o I literally couldn’t stand nor walk when this happens. I think I’m becoming immune with the pain killer I’m taking because I don’t feel its effect anymore when I take it.

3. She gets a LITTLE cranky.
o Just a little. When I’m not in the mood, I’M REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD. And if you don’t want to be bitched on, then just shut the f*ck up. (Sometimes, I bitch around when I’m PMS-ing)

4. She eats less.
o When I have my period, I tend to lose appetite, in contrast with those who crave more when they have it.  I don’t know. It sort of just comes naturally. I don’t feel the need to eat and I just want to lay around and do nothing.

5. [Sometimes] She becomes more hyper.
o This happens during the third day or when the ab cramps are over. But, when I get home or start to rest, I lose all my energy. =(

Suggestions/Coping Mechanisms for PMS:
(These work for me, so I’m hoping they might work for you too)

• Sleep at least 8 times a day.

• Have a bottle of beer (it kind of helps with the flow… or something like that)
• Walk around (I know.. I know.. but this helps the muscle contraction inside somewhere there.. i think… hahaha)
• Drink plenty of water.
• Drink hot choco instead of coffee(I don’t follow this, I just want to suggest it)
• Wash with lukewarm water.

serving suggestion: 8pax —–JUST KIDDING. HAHA.

HAPPY PMS-ing!

Another year has gone by and here I am still thinking… is that really how my 2008 ends?

But of course, since this is the first post of the year, I’ll make this one good.

I’m looking forward to a great 2009. I know my 2008 wasn’t the best year, but it just makes my 2009 a better chance of making things better, starting to patch up everything that needs to be patched up and striving to be better, for myself and for everyone. I know, it sounds like a bullsh*t plan but that’s what I want to do.

I’ve slacked enough and it’s about time I start working on the things I need to do.

But before I go through my 2009, I’d like to say a few things to the people who made my 2008, MY 2008.
(inspired by RZ’s blog——thanks for being nice and friendly too)

My family:
We are the weirdest happy/notsohappy family ever. But I am happy to be part of this weirdness. You made my 2008 more interesting than it could have been. To my parents: I love you both and I want you to know that I may be stubborn but I will do (not try), I will do my best to reach my dreams, finish my studies and make you both proud. To my sisters: Ate Yel—you are the greatest. For trying to be a very great sister when we were left home. (Even though you werent around most of the time..I love you) Pringles is the best blessing we could have. Ate Jen—Ayo! This is the first year since highschool that we’ll be apart..geographically speaking. I have the whole 2009 to bear living without you and you made my stay here in Singapore very memorable. I love you:)

To my Sisters in Principle:
You might think I’ve been distant this year. I’m not. I’m still here. I’m still the same old sister you’ve known. I’m just a little caught up with everything that has happened. 2008 was a different year for us and I know we were all in shock of everything. The changes, the tragic moments, the problems that we’ve surpassed. But see, that’s the point, we surpassed it TOGETHER and that’s what matters.

TO MY PARTNER FOREVER:
I love you and nothing’s going to change that. Through the uphill climbs and downhill walks in our life, I’ll stay with you. I want you to know that I’m still here to listen, to rationalize and to tell you what I think.

TO MY BATCHMATES in Manila:
Robin and Mary— you guys are more than just my batchmates.. you are my family, my friends, my sisters. I miss you now more than ever.

TO MY BATCHMATES in Diliman:
Chia and Sheela— Gaaaawwd, I miss you two so much! But 07 will always be the best batch ever

TO MICHELLE:
Batch, I’m still here, just here. We all miss you.

To the younger ones:
Mona, Lorra, Len: I’m so proud of the 08 batch! You are the young blood of the Sorority and I know you’ll grow and live by the Principle we all believe and live in.

Lorra: Thanks for everything, anak. I’m looking for more weird-unplanned-roadtrips with you.

To the older ones: Thank you for teaching me the things that you’ve learned during your years.
To my Brothers in Principle:
Have a great year my dear brothers.

To my LC Randell:
Thank you for the laughtrip moments. Hug. Cheers to a good year!

To my Friends:
Francesca—Labs, thanks for everything. Huhu. Sorry dun sa ginawa ko. Pinagsisihan ko yun at hanggang ngayon, iniisip ko pa ren ang katangahan ko.=( [alam mo na yun]

Mikey— Salamat sa pagiging mabuting kaibigan. Sorry din.. dun sa.. alam mo na yun. Basta yun. =)

(ang labo ng mga message ko haha)

VF—mahal ko kayo! Salamat sa isa pang taon na na-spend nyo with me.. George, bumalik ka na ah? Nakakamiss ka. Aby! Congrats sa pagdating ni Inigo. Mahal ka naming lahat. Happy new year!

BEZ–(aby&allan)
Sorry kung wala na naman ako.. Mahal ko kayo pareho.

Blockmates—-Magandang taon para sa ating lahat. Weeeee. Nanalo rin tayo sa wakas! Mag Tides ulet tayo ha?

_________________________________________________
To EP, JL, JP, GC, JE, and the others who must not be named
Thank you. For being the person that you are, and for being part of the woman I have become. Thanks for sharing a part of your life with mine. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

_________________________________________________
To my New Friends:
Singapore: Express People =) Ate Dang, Ate Eve, Ate Anna, Kuya Alvin, Kuya Tonio

Thanks for letting me spend time with you. You guys are amazing. Never a dull moment with yu guys.

UPM:
I can’t list down every name of everyone but you guys make my sstay in UPM much more interesting.

Whew! And for all those who weren’t mentioned here. Thank you very much.. Thank you for being part of the 2008. For making it better.. For making it the year that it was.

Do*mes`ti*ca”tion\, n. [Cf. F. domestication.] The act of domesticating, or accustoming to home; the action of taming wild animals.

I don’t like the feeling of domesticatin. I hate the idea of staying home everyday and doing the same thing every effin’ day. I have a very very close look at it and I can say that I’ll never survive a domestic life.

Yeah, I know I’m the laid back person. I enjoy the calm Southern life as much as I enjoy the rush of the City but come on! You don’t really expect me to stay in the house forever.

Today is the most domesticated day of my life ever. I did the laundry, I cooked the meals, I washed the dishes. WOW. In the next 5-10 years of my life, I sure hope I won’t be doing this as my everyday routine.

I’m a career-oriented person. I see myself as a woman in white coat who goes to her clinic everyday, visits her friends every once in a while and travels with her dog on a road trip. (maybe with a boyfriend too)

(Edit: Or I could also be in the corporate world. But that’s another topic. I hate corporate slavery as much as I hate domestication..)

None of that involves domestic activities.

So please. PLEASE.

Hahaha.

I miss Manila.