Screaming Infidelities

I have a draft post about my Christmas experience. But I don’t know if I’m publishing it. Haha. Lame.

My sister and I went to Ate Eve’s place at Tanah Merah Crest. We played tennis and relaxed at the Spa Pool. I’ve only been with Ate Eve for a short period of time but I will surely miss her.  Too bad I’ll be gone when she gets back from Dubai. =(

On other news:
Only a few more days before 2009. I wonder how things will go for 2009. Haha.

I want to evaluate my 2008, but I feel doubtful about it. I know I’ll be biased.. I know I’ll keep a lot of things about this year. I hate it. I hate it that I can’t even talk about myself.

GRAAAAAAR. That’s my 2008 in one word. Haha. Or if you can think of any other word worse than that.. that’s it.

I can’t think of anything sane to write about. Sigh.

I really hate people who lurk around so much. You know.. when you’re doing something kind of private.. or too inspirational.. and somebody’s all nosy behind your back, isn’t that irritating?

Argh. I am not an angsty teenager. I’d like to think that I’m done with that stage. But sometimes, they are just too much. I mean, c’mon! Yeah, I sure do would like to hang out with you but we are just way too different. I love silence and you guys just can’t live a day without shouting. I value privacy while you guys like lurking and getting your hands into somebody else’s business. Of course I love you but sometimes, I just hate what you do. You know?

ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH. COME ON! GIVE ME A  BREAK.

Well, not really all, but most of it. For the past few months, I’ve been really really down. Okay, I’ll admit it. Life has never been more depressing than this. Whatever happened to the simple and happy life, I’ll never know. Sometimes you are just always in search of something, something that you will never find. Sad, right?

Anyway, I don’t think one blog post will be enough to let everything out. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

The stress that comes along with everything that I’m going through is unbearable, insufferable. People say that I should relax and everything will work out to be just fine but those are just words. There’s not enough assurance in this world for anyone.
Okay, I shall stop here before I say more… right. Calm down, you kiddo..
Smile.

It’s funny how the fumes she makes fades so abruptly. The clock says it’s 2:45.. she still has 15 minutes left before her system shuts down. Her usual 70 wpm is now down to 20. All she can hear is the ticking of the clock, the buzz of the aircondition and the whirring of the fan. No one is up but her. She’s thinking of something. She wants to rest, but her mind won’t let her. It doesn’t get better. Things won’t change. Weeks have passed and things are still the same. Change is not the trend around here. She is usually passed out in the morning. It allows her to miss all the chaos of the people who loves matters of consequences. It gives her the freedom to be a child, to sleep most of the day and to dream about having a perfect life. She wakes up and she realizes that everything is just as they were before she goes to sleep. She never breaks down in front of anybody. Well, she does around people who knows that somehow she is still human. She cares. She still cares. But she wants people to think that she is as heartless as the others, that she is for some reason concerned about the figures and the consequences. But just like the others, she doesn’t do anything about it. She loathes the insane thought of going out to get some sun on her skin. She is something.

Yet, I don’t understand her sometimes. I’d like to think that she gets irrational when she tries to be rational. Her judgment are often safe. She plays her game as neutral as possible. She misleads people with her words. But that’s not a talent. Words can always be misleading. She is starting to tire as the clock strikes 5 minutes before her deadline. She loves beating deadlines. Just like now, she wins.

There’s more to it than just killing time. It’s a different feeling when you’re staying up late just because compared to staying up late because you have papers due the next day and an exam at the same time. It’s different because you can get all the slack that you want without risking any of the tasks that you have to accomplish. It feels good and at the same time it makes you feel less productive than you could be. Still, it’s fun.

I’ve been busy downloading episodes from house and reading e-books of the Stephenie Meyer series. How could it get any better than this?

I could stay all week inside the house as long as I have stuff to read and internet. The perks of modern technology.

true true

Hahahaha. I saw this pic at the BanThis site. You know how it happens in the movies, when the lead guy/girl is dying, the moments in their life are flashing in their minds… that happened to me when I saw this picture. The moments where I needed to do something either for my acads or my extra/co curricular stuff, I procrastinate.

Multi-slack, as I call it, is easier. To procrastinate and to multi-slack is a lot more easire and (well not actually better) but, less tiring to do. And it actually makes you look like you’re multi tasking, because your slacking off and procrastinating at the same time.

Okay this is bad.  I am actually justifying my irrational procrastination during the past semester. I can’t remember how many times I have promised myself to do better every start of the sem. Oh yeah, right. I do it every sem, before classes start. And forget about it when classes have actually started. Amazing.

But you see, I’m not happy that I slacked off in some areas. I have better reasons than just not wanting to do anything. I actually want to finish everything that I have to do on time. It’s just that I have so many things to do, and so little time to do them. (You’ve probably heard that line a million times, but it’s true for me). So I set deadlines and I ask people to push me on doing everything that I have to do. It’s better when there’s someone pressuring me on finishing something. At least, I feel the weight of what I have to do.

Now, I’m enjoying my sembreak. My goal is to drive out the spirit of procrastination in my body. (if that’s possible). Otherwise, I just have to learn how to fight it, using cups of coffee and whining blogs.