WISHLIST PART 2
Yay! Since my last year’s wishlist was kind of successful, I will do one again for this year. 
The Wishlist that I’ll be doing is going to be a little selfish, so please please please, just bear with it.
1.) I want a car. Not a brand new flashy car but a classic one. I think it’d be fun going on a road trip with this car.
2.) Books. I want loads and loads of book. Maybe a copy of that Art of Seduction would do. 
3.) A new Desktop Computer, because I’m sick and tired of my useless old pc which is already and my tiny little Asus can’t take the stress I’m putting him into.
4.) A Camera.. or whatever. Haha
5.) A Piggy Bank (as in the old school piggy bank) so I could start saving money.
and there’s a whole lot more I’d like to add to my list.. but I only have so little time to spend in this netshop.. So I’ll be back for more. Wait for it.
Sleeping habits
My sleeping habits have always been bad. I don’t really know if it’s my sleeping habit, or the lack thereof.
There really are times that I forget the need to sleep. Yesterday, or the other night would be a pretty good example for that. Last Wednesday, I had a really long day. But it was fun because I was able to see my very best friends in the world. We had coffee, around 8 hours of tambay and kwentuhan, and 2 1/2 packs of lights and menthol. When I got home, I was really exhausted, but I didn’t sleep yet. I watched the last season of Grey’s anatomy up to its last episode (which was really really depressing and sad by the way, but I liked it because O’ Malley and Stevens ended up together). When I am in my room and I am watching my dvds, I don’t get track of time. Why? I don’t have a clock in my room. I usually don’t keep my phone inside my room because there’s no freakin’ signal and the phone’s going to be useless. And lastly, I don’t get to check the time because I only have spare time for 1) going to the bathroom 2) meals 3) taking a shower 4 ) refilling my snacks (meaning my coffee, chocolate, and butter coconut
So, after my Grey’s marathon.. I decided to go out of my room thinking that it was still early.. like 11pm or something. turned out it was already 15 minutes past 3 am and by the time I got to bed, my mom was already up, to wake me up because I have a 7 am class.
Sleepless sleepyhead.
I think I wouldn’t be sleeping tonight again.. hahah
funny moments
okay, so last friday.. i went out with a friend. a really old and close friend of mine who i haven’t seen for months. we were having such a great time when suddenly, that “awkward moment” destroyed the “moment”. you know what i mean? HAHA.
anyway. that was fun. GI Joe was okay, not that great, but just okay..
maybe I’m not ready yet. just wait for the right time honey, it’ll come.
What’s in the bigger [better] picture anyway?
It’s always a struggle. A struggle for liberty, a struggle for truth, a struggle for justice. No one can ever say that this fight for democracy has met its end. It will always be a fight. It will never end when someone dies, it will surely not end when someone steps down. It’s a struggle to sustain. It’s a struggle between those who are in power and those who are powerless.
It’s a matter of listening and speaking up, a matter of looking at the big picture and realizing the small details within. If those who are in power doesn’t realize that before changing the big picture to a better one that they need to do some change in the little details, nothing will ever change. It will only be putting band aid solutions when there is an infection within. It’s an escape.
Our society doesn’t need leaders who promise good life. We need someone who will help us get through. Just like what Jesus said, don’t give men fish, teach men how to fish. But the burden is not only on those who have the power, we as citizens also have a responsibility. We are part of the nation building because we are the nation. If we don’t learn how to work for ourselves and to admit that we also have our own share of faults at why our society became this dreadful one, no one can ever help us.
My point here, my friends, is that this is not a one way relationship. We cannot forever condemn those who have worked their way up to gain power and try to change the system. We cannot remain apathetic to whatever is happening in this country. You are a part of this nation and this nation needs your help.
Most of the people in this population thinks that our country is hopeless and that they would rather go somewhere where “the grass is greener”. Don’t you think that we have our own land to grow greener grass on? Don’t you think it is possible for us to be the “greener pasture” in due time?
I think it is possible. Maybe not now, or even in the near future. But someday. When the day that people start thinking that change really is possible comes. When the time where children think the Philippines is such a great country and that it should be loved and respected. When people stop spitting on our land and pissing on our grounds.
When that time comes.
For now, we can only do so much as to stay and help our countrymen realize the honor of serving our own. We are Filipinos and we are for the Philippines.
There is nothing wrong with going abroad to earn money… as long as we don’t stop at the material satisfaction. As long as we go back to our roots and give back to the nation that has honed us to be the person that we are now.
Before we can serve the whole humanity, we have to start within ourselves. Serve our nation. Serve our people.
Of lost words and broken hearts.
I didn’t know it would be this hard. I know I said that I will be alright.. that it is okay for me. But then again… when it’s right in front of you and you know there’s nothing you can do to take everything back…. it’s hard and it’s sad. I don’t want to be this person who is silently hurting.. I don’t want to be this.
it sucks because I cannot tell my person what I’m really feeling right now. I told her that I care for her happiness and I do. I really do. It’s just that her happiness is the one who made me happy not so long time ago.
He was there for me, and she was there for me.. and I am happy that they are now giving it a shot. But I don’t want him to be hurt. And I don’t want her to be the one who can break him.
I’m selfish.
I’m breaking.
And I can’t believe that this is happening again.
Enlightenment – Panahon ng Kalinawan
Bumuntong hininga
Sa wakas ay nakita
di ang hangarin
sa dagdag kaalaman
kundi ang hangaring
maki-alam at makialam
Taya
Kagabi
Di matapos-tapos ang
Nobelang nabuo sa mumunting isipan ‘ko
Kapit-tira
Nang di na tamang lira
Iniipon ang mga pagkakataon
sa isang sulok na
Pinagdurugtong yugto
Yugto (yugto)
Kapit (kapit)
kabig (kabig)
Mali (mali)
Huli na ang lahat
Para bawiin ang hindi nararapat
Hanap pa
Umaayos ka
Wala nang magagawa sa nahulog na
na salita
At tayong dalawa
Urong (urong)
Sulong (sulong)
Urong-sulong nalang ba?
Sakit (sakit)
Bakit (bakit)
Bakit ko nalaman nandito lang?
Kasalanan mo nang lahat nang ‘to
Bakit ako pinapapayag mo?
Kasalanan mo nang lahat nang ‘to, oh
Nagtataka ako,
Bakit siya ang pinili mo
———————————————–
(Very timely, indeed.)
I downloaded Up Dharma Down’s Fragmented and Bipolar albums.
This song intrigued me. Haha.
I’d like to say, that I had a very nice day today. I learned a lot of things today. Some of which, I’ve avoided for so long, others… well, they are just unnecessary.
I can say, after a long searching.. and trying to understand myself and my world.. I’ve realized that I can do things. I can do amazing things and I can do the change that I want to do.
Never let things in the past eat your future.
I hae a great future ahead of me, I know that. There are a lot of things I want to do, a lot of places I’d like to go to.. and a lot of people I still want to know..
I can do this.
**the song has nothing to do with this post.. I just love Up Dharma Down.. It’s just that I can relate so much to the song.. it’s so…. timely. haha.
things no one will ever understand about me
or to anyone for that matter..
I’ll say there’s a lot of things people would ever understand bout me..
1. my mood
I have a very unpredictable mood. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been really really moody. I was able to control it during my college life because I know how it ruins my relationship with other people, but for some reason… it’s back.. and it’s worse.
2. my relationships
People closest to me have always questioned the way I dealt with my men. I’ve dated a lot of people since 2007 and I can’t count the number of relationships or would-have-been relationships I screwed up. Yeah. I screw up. A LOT. and even I don’t understand why I do that. There were times, I must admit, that I was willing to let go of the game and actually pursue a relationship that might end my evildoings but just the thought of losing in the game.. I just can’t bear the thought of it. So what the hell right?
3. my realities
I have made a number of realities in my life. Realities which would never meet and realities that will never ever accept each other. I have several worlds to live in, several roles to play.. and sometimes, it just gets exhausting having to deal with different people, different problems.. different expectations.. and you don’t have the right to fail..or get tired.
4. my faith
I have a very weird outlook in life. I have this big faith into something.. someone so big I couldn’t see Him.. so great I can’t even fathom His greatness.
I may not be religious.. but I am actually a spiritual person. I may not show it but I believe in something..someone.
5. my ways
People have questioned the way I do things. My strategies.. my plans. I don’t care. Because I will still do what I think is right, and I will not be sorry for anything. That’s just the way I am.
6. my problems
I am a ME person. I’d rather deal with my problem alone, than share it to anyone. And if I do, I only pick a number of people, just so someone knows I’m dealing with something… not to have them solve it for me. I am a ME person, and basing from the relationships I’ve had.. I am better off alone.
There are a lot of things people don’t understand about me. Sometimes, I think that there is a problem with me..but when I take a closer look… most of the time, they just don’t take time to know me well enough.. and other times, they think they know me, but they don’t know a thing.
And this post reaks of something I’d rather not write about.. it’s a surge of negativity that I should have never let in. This is bad.
Gentle – Aqualung
This is not the time to wonder why
Just let the heart and mind
Be still for just some time
This is the time for the rest
Just let it go
You know its for the best
If you’re fragile, and if you’re delicate
Take my hand but be gentle with me please
Let the river flow
Washing over me for a while
But be gentle with me please
This is not the time to compromise if you’re feeling it too
Then you’ve realised
This is the time for a change
Yes you know it’s true
Deep down within you
If you’re fragile, and if you’re delicate
Take my hand but be gentle with me please
——————–
I took my chances, though I know I will regret this forever. It doesn’t matter now. I will love you and I will remember you for the rest of my life.. please know that.. and when I get the chance to hold you.. and look at you, I will hold you tight in my arms.. and I will never let you go.
I never thought it would be this hard.. and it has just sunk in in my head….
I feel weak, empty, sick, sad…. I will get through this.
And if you could ever forgive me…I do hope you forgive me.. Nobody wanted for this to happen.. Nobody expected what happened.. No one even knew.. I knew.. but then.. you didn’t deserve what I could give you.. not this.. you deserve so much more…
So as I let you go… I will wait for you to come back.. you will always be my first love. No matter what..
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