Screaming Infidelities

Yeah. So if you, (YES YOU), are reading this post, and suddenly you start thinking that this post is for you.. think again.

I had a very long weekend. I was able to spend the weekend with my family(meaning my mom) who’s going to leave next week. If anyone’s going to ask my if it was worth it, or if i even felt productive then.. i’ll say YES. For whatever it’s worth… even though my mom can get really annoying sometimes, I’ll never exchange her for anything or anyone.

Why am I blogging about my weekend with mom? Nothing. Nothing at all. I just want something that I could look at and remember how I spent it. Because that will be that last weekend I will spend with her until 2010. I may sound a bit emo, but I miss having the family around.. Me, my mom and my sibs. There’s something to it that makes every dinner, every breakfast special.. and we don’t have that anymore.

Anyway, I’ll go ahead before I right something else in here.. haha.
Next time.

Yay! Since my last year’s wishlist was kind of successful, I will do one again for this year.

The Wishlist that I’ll be doing is going to be a little selfish, so please please please, just bear with it.

1.) I want a car. Not a brand new flashy car but a classic one. I think it’d be fun going on a road trip with this car.
2.) Books. I want loads and loads of book. Maybe a copy of that Art of Seduction would do.
3.) A new Desktop Computer, because I’m sick and tired of my useless old pc which is already and my tiny little Asus can’t take the stress I’m putting him into.

4.) A Camera.. or whatever. Haha

5.) A Piggy Bank (as in the old school piggy bank) so I could start saving money.

and there’s a whole lot more I’d like to add to my list.. but I only have so little time to spend in this netshop.. So I’ll be back for more. Wait for it.

My sleeping habits have always been bad. I don’t really know if it’s my sleeping habit, or the lack thereof.
There really are times that I forget the need to sleep. Yesterday, or the other night would be a pretty good example for that. Last Wednesday, I had a really long day. But it was fun because I was able to see my very best friends in the world. We had coffee, around 8 hours of tambay and kwentuhan, and 2 1/2 packs of lights and menthol. When I got home, I was really exhausted, but I didn’t sleep yet. I watched the last season of Grey’s anatomy up to its last episode (which was really really depressing and sad by the way, but I liked it because O’ Malley and Stevens ended up together). When I am in my room and I am watching my dvds, I don’t get track of time. Why? I don’t have a clock in my room. I usually don’t keep my phone inside my room because there’s no freakin’ signal and the phone’s going to be useless. And lastly, I don’t get to check the time because I only have spare time for 1) going to the bathroom 2) meals 3) taking a shower 4 ) refilling my snacks (meaning my coffee, chocolate, and butter coconut

So, after my Grey’s marathon.. I decided to go out of my room thinking that it was still early.. like 11pm or something. turned out it was already 15 minutes past 3 am and by the time I got to bed, my mom was already up, to wake me up because I have a 7 am class.

Sleepless sleepyhead.

I think I wouldn’t be sleeping tonight again.. hahah

okay, so last friday.. i went out with a friend. a really old and close friend of mine who i haven’t seen for months. we were having such a great time when suddenly, that “awkward moment” destroyed the “moment”. you know what i mean? HAHA.

anyway. that was fun. GI Joe was okay, not that great, but just okay..

maybe I’m not ready yet. just wait for the right time honey, it’ll come.

It’s always a struggle. A struggle for liberty, a struggle for truth, a struggle for justice. No one can ever say that this fight for democracy has met its end. It will always be a fight. It will never end when someone dies, it will surely not end when someone steps down. It’s a struggle to sustain. It’s a struggle between those who are in power and those who are powerless.

It’s a matter of listening and speaking up, a matter of looking at the big picture and realizing the small details within. If those who are in power doesn’t realize that before changing the big picture to a better one that they need to do some change in the little details, nothing will ever change. It will only be putting band aid solutions when there is an infection within. It’s an escape.

Our society doesn’t need leaders who promise good life. We need someone who will help us get through. Just like what Jesus said, don’t give men fish, teach men how to fish. But the burden is not only on those who have the power, we as citizens also have a responsibility. We are part of the nation building because we are the nation. If we don’t learn how to work for ourselves and to admit that we also have our own share of faults at why our society became this dreadful one, no one can ever help us.

My point here, my friends, is that this is not a one way relationship. We cannot forever condemn those who have worked  their way up to gain power and try to change the system. We cannot remain apathetic to whatever is happening in this country. You are a part of this nation and this nation needs your help.

Most of the people in this population thinks that our country is hopeless and that they would rather go somewhere where “the grass is greener”. Don’t you think that we have our own land to grow greener grass on? Don’t you think it is possible for us to be the “greener pasture” in due time?

I think it is possible. Maybe not now, or even in the near future. But someday. When the day that people start thinking that change really is possible comes. When the time where children think the Philippines is such a great country and that it should be loved and respected. When people stop spitting on our land and pissing on our grounds.

When that time comes.

For now, we can only do so much as to stay and help our countrymen realize the honor of serving our own. We are Filipinos and we are for the Philippines.

There is nothing wrong with going abroad to earn money… as long as we don’t stop at the material satisfaction. As long as we go back to our roots and give back to the nation that has honed us to be the person that we are now.

Before we can serve the whole humanity, we have to start within ourselves. Serve our nation. Serve our people.

I didn’t know it would be this hard. I know I said that I will be alright.. that it is okay for me. But then again… when it’s right in front of you and you know there’s nothing you can do to take everything back…. it’s hard and it’s sad. I don’t want to be this person who is silently hurting.. I don’t want to be this.

it sucks because I cannot tell my person what I’m really feeling right now. I told her that I care for her happiness and I do. I really do. It’s just that her happiness is the one who made me happy not so long time ago.

He was there for me, and she was there for me.. and I am happy that they are now giving it a shot. But I don’t want him to be hurt. And I don’t want her to be the one who can break him.

I’m selfish.

I’m breaking.

And I can’t believe that this is happening again.

Bumuntong hininga
Sa wakas ay nakita
di ang hangarin
sa dagdag kaalaman
kundi ang hangaring
maki-alam at makialam