things no one will ever understand about me
or to anyone for that matter..
I’ll say there’s a lot of things people would ever understand bout me..
1. my mood
I have a very unpredictable mood. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been really really moody. I was able to control it during my college life because I know how it ruins my relationship with other people, but for some reason… it’s back.. and it’s worse.
2. my relationships
People closest to me have always questioned the way I dealt with my men. I’ve dated a lot of people since 2007 and I can’t count the number of relationships or would-have-been relationships I screwed up. Yeah. I screw up. A LOT. and even I don’t understand why I do that. There were times, I must admit, that I was willing to let go of the game and actually pursue a relationship that might end my evildoings but just the thought of losing in the game.. I just can’t bear the thought of it. So what the hell right?
3. my realities
I have made a number of realities in my life. Realities which would never meet and realities that will never ever accept each other. I have several worlds to live in, several roles to play.. and sometimes, it just gets exhausting having to deal with different people, different problems.. different expectations.. and you don’t have the right to fail..or get tired.
4. my faith
I have a very weird outlook in life. I have this big faith into something.. someone so big I couldn’t see Him.. so great I can’t even fathom His greatness.
I may not be religious.. but I am actually a spiritual person. I may not show it but I believe in something..someone.
5. my ways
People have questioned the way I do things. My strategies.. my plans. I don’t care. Because I will still do what I think is right, and I will not be sorry for anything. That’s just the way I am.
6. my problems
I am a ME person. I’d rather deal with my problem alone, than share it to anyone. And if I do, I only pick a number of people, just so someone knows I’m dealing with something… not to have them solve it for me. I am a ME person, and basing from the relationships I’ve had.. I am better off alone.
There are a lot of things people don’t understand about me. Sometimes, I think that there is a problem with me..but when I take a closer look… most of the time, they just don’t take time to know me well enough.. and other times, they think they know me, but they don’t know a thing.
And this post reaks of something I’d rather not write about.. it’s a surge of negativity that I should have never let in. This is bad.
I apologize if once again I am invading the privacy of your own musings, but i have to say this. I have read your posts in this blog and one of the reasons why i felt a connection with you is that all of the things you are going through are the same things i have went through before and which i am still trying to deal with today. There is nothing wrong about you, its just that this world, at least based on my experience do not quite understand, and are often afraid of people who march to their own beat. And this fear has led them to judge people like us quite unfairly. You are beautiful and you should be proud of it.
platonic excursions
July 27, 2009 at 2:47 am
Thank you. It makes me feel better knowing that I’m not the only one who feels this way. I actually have no idea what I’m really dealing with. But what the hell, right? nice to hear from you again.
juvymacapagal
July 28, 2009 at 3:01 am
Actually, I understand. Well maybe not fully, but I understand how it feels when people don’t quite get you.
I may not know you as well as I would like to, but you’re a good kind of different, I think.
Try to smile through it. You’ll fix the problem, whatever it is.
Rz
July 27, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Thanks. I hope everyone is like you..
See you in school!
juvymacapagal
July 28, 2009 at 3:02 am