Screaming Infidelities

[Disclaimer: If you are not ready to undergo stress brought about by a very nonsense blog, then PLEASE DON'T PROCEED]

Since my ever dearest lola Mia mentioned it, let’s talk about Anxiety. Oh the dear word Anxiety.

For the past few days, I’ve been enduring my anxiety attacks. First of is my never-ending anxiety about my health. I never get better. Well, maybe I do, then I get worse. How about that for a very very very healthy lifestyle? Hahaha. (Yes, I am being sarcastic) I just got out of my flu. I was able to donate blood for my beloved PGH and now I have a large bruise and a very weird lump on my arm. It’s kinda disgusting and I apologize for the graphic description but this is my blog so I’ll say what I want to. Again, I lost 10 pounds after gaining some a few weeks ago. I’m back to my insomniac-ish sleeping pattern. (or un-sleeping pattern if you may call it)

I’m anxious about my work(tasks, responsibilities, homeworks, yadayada). Yeah, I’ve been working my ass off. BUT NO! IT’S NEVER ENOUGH. OKAY? Argggggggh. It kills me when this happens. I mean when I start to tire out and I realize that “oh my! what the hell are you doing??” (doesn’t make sense, I know, sorry about that). It’s either I am anxious that I am not working enough, not working at all, or my “doing my job” doesn’t WORK anymore. Whichever it is, I’m still anxious because nothing seems to work just fine.

I’m anxious about my life. Not the “in the future” kind of life.. but the one which is near.. my Christmas. Haha. I’ve blogged about this already but since I’m anxious about it, I’m gonna write about it again. I’m anxious that I might have the unmerriest Christmas ever. The probability that my family’s going home this Christmas is 0, might even be less. Merry Christmas to me! This is just the worst feeling ever. I’m going through a lot of stress with nothing to look forward to. Great.

All that, plus a lot of other things. I don’t even want to think about those because it will just trigger another disorder. Uh, have I mentioned that I’m the verge of being a manic depressive. Yeah, so let’s not talk about it. Don’t even try to cheer me up, it ain’t gonna work. Leaving me alone will do. Thanks!

Okay, snappy snappy. I need to calm down, probably hit the sack early (if I get myself to sleep) and greet the world with a very happy (familiar) smile!

[Note: If you reached the end of this blog, then I am not sorry anymore. It's your loss, this is my blog.]