art of nothing

Not doing anything doesn’t mean you’re not doing anything wrong.

But what if you can’t figure out what you want to do, or the right/best thing to do for that matter? Sometimes you just have to let it all happen and unfold on its own. Then you’ll know what to do.

“We’ll figure this out”, they say, but what if you don’t want anything to do with it?

I wanna scream, “FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!”, but for my own dignity and my respect to other people, I just keep it in and suffer the screams inside my head.

Sometimes, I think I’m going crazy. I find myself listening to different voices in my head telling me what to do, what to say, and when to do and say it.. but at the end of the day I go home to my empty house and realizing that I haven’t done a thing.

Is it my fault? (Well, it can’t be because I didn’t do anything, right?) There’s a voice telling me that the fact that I didn’t do anything makes everything my fault, then there’s this other voice telling me that I did the right thing for not doing anything, BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING I CAN’T DO ABOUT IT, and that I should just let it be.

I did not want this. I do not want this.  EVER.

I hate being clueless.

— turning schizophrenic is the answer. NOT.

then you look forward to something uninterestingly interesting.

It’s been a while, and I really missed blogging. I missed the endless musings and rantings and whatnots. I missed THIS.

And whole bunch of other stuff I miss doing.

Luckily, I will be having the time to get back to my old life in a couple of days. =) YAY for our short-term sem break! May all of its days be spent well.

Haha. Anyway, I still have a lot of acad stuff to do. But come on, in a week’s time it’ll all be done. Then it’s the time of the year again, when I have to think of something to do.. for my birthday. Haha. I was thinking of surprising myself with a party that I have to do for myself, at my house where I live, by myself.

Yeah, it’s sad. I know. But I don’t have a lot of choices.

Harr. I don’t really know what I want to write about.. maybe next time.

Irrelevant enough.

As you can see, the incoherence in my previous post is undeniable. I must admit, I wasn’t really in my best condition when I posted that previous post. Anyway, I was actually thinking that I can redeem myself with this new one.

I have been suffering from colds and cough for like around 2 weeks now. I know that my stubbornness led me to being sick, but there are just some things I can’t avoid doing. For one, I love drinking ice cold water (with lots of ice in it) right before I go to sleep (and the aircon in my room is at its max).I look like a mess every time I go to school because of this f*cking colds.

Anyway.. on other news:

Yay! I was able to do some grocery/unnecessary shopping the other day. While I was in the grocery, people were looking at my kart, and judging from their looks… I think they find it weird what I had in there. Hahaha. I had like around 50+ cans of processed meat and fish, tuna, sardines, corned beef, etc. A pack each of cheesecake, wafers and cookies. And bottles of Fit n Right. Haha.

I didn’t think I needed to buy real food like meat, vegetables or whatever because I wouldn’t be going home there until Friday. I don’t want my food to get spoiled or anything.

Buuuuut! Last weekend, I had the most sumptuous meal I have ever had in my alone life. Hahaha. I cooked. Yay. Of course I cook. I’m just too lazy most of the time to move and actually do anything at home.

I haven’t seen my friends for like 2 weeks now. I really miss them. I mean, we’ve been hanging out for 2 consecutive weeks and then now we’re back to that “no communication” and see-you-whenever  stage, and it sucks. I’m not demanding that they go to me everytime I want them to, no. I just want to spend time with them, you know, cause I don’t really have that lot of people with me right now, and they’re all I’ve got.

It sucks when we don’t get to see each other that often, but it sucks more that we all know we could go out and see each other but we don’t do anything about it. Awww well, towel. I’m turning emow, and it’s not good. Hahaha. Hafta go. Early class tomorrow. I hate it.

Hit

Hit na naman. Tama na. 2 buckets of beer and 3 pitchers of alcohol is not very good. But it was fun. Hahaha.

I went out with the VF last night, and steady turned to one fun dangerous night. I’ll skip some details because I don’t know if it’s safe to blog about it..(actually I’ll be logging out soon.. haha.)

I got stood up again yesterday. It’s okay..I really don’t mind. I just wish I stop caring so much. =(

I can’t write anymore. Haha. I have to go to class. yada yada yada.
Will continue blogging later. Yay!

you live to die

People do things everyday that they know could kill them. Doesn’t mean they want to die.

- Derek Shepherd, Grey’s Anatomy

Sometimes, there is more truth in the series that we watch than in real life.

Wishlist Part 2.1

I know I already have a wishlist.. but I also said there will be a continuation.. so here it is!

6.) Up Dharma Down Album

I know I can download their songs online but I still want an original copy of their album. =) I just can’t get enough of Up Dharma Down. I suuuuuper love all their songs.

7. ) A Zippo Lighter

Because I lost my Zippo lighter(Beatles). Hahaha. I want a Zippo Lighter. :/

8.) UNO

Kung meron mang prof na nakakabasa nito ngayon, please…. ISANG UNO LANG GALING SA INYO MASAYA NA AKO!

to be continued again… (this net shop sucks. I miss my favorite netshop in laguna. I MISS MY OWN INTERNET CONNECTION AT HOME)

Waiting for divine intervention

I’m sick. My sore throat is getting worse and this flu just won’t get out of my system. I feel like my eyes are popping out of my head. But what the hell.

I didn’t go to school today. My head was so heavy that even drinking coffee was too stressful for me. :/ This sucks.

Thesis. A professor of mine said that we should choose a thesis topic we could love so much we’d marry it. I think I need to get a divorce now.

I’m trying soooo hard to work it out but I just can’t. or I won’t. Haha. I don’t know, what I know is that I’m scared that I might mess it all up and that I won’t finish it on time, which means I’m not going to finish school on time.

All I have to do is consult with my adviser, have my interview guide approved and start my data gathering. Thing is, I’ve been avoiding my thesis adviser since the last time I had my consultation for reasons I cannot explain. Hahaha. Rar. This procrastination should end now.

Wake up, everyone.

So, another day spent alone. What do I do next? After wasting an hour here at my ohso-favorite internet cafe, what now?

Once again, I spent the whole day cleaning the house, watching my dvds and listening to my playlist. I have no cash to spend and my friends are too far away. I’ve only eaten cup noodles. And a bowl of porridge. Di na ko magtataka kung bakit ako “nasasabaw” ngayon.

I actually thought I’m getting the hang of this “living alone” shit. But, unfortunately, I have a long way to go.

It’s bad for me, being alone..literally. I shouldn’t be left alone at any house, ever. Why? Because I’ll starve. I’ll stink. I’ll probably curl up in the bed and wait for death to come. (I know it’s all grim and crazy but that’s what I’ve been thinking about the whole day)

I’m not suicidal, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s just..sad. Empty. The house, I mean. Haha.

Crap, I need to talk to real people as soon as possible. This is not good. Seriously.

Life is good

Sept. 6 = TF’s Birthday!

hahahaha

What does “TF” means? Well, Camille used to be my bestfriend when we were in First Year high school. But then, things didn’t work out for us being bestfriends so we decided to cut the crap and ditch the whole best friend thing. We were better off as True Friends anyway, so that’s how it all started.

The 2nd girl in the left side is my best friend, Anya. Well, maybe we’re not best best friends, but she is one of my best friends. We always fight. We always debate about things. But at the end of the day, we still spend hours and hours at the telephone talking about things no one can ever understand. I love her and I know that she loves me. She puts back the sanity in me. She knows how to straighten me up when I’m falling out of line, and because of that, I love her more than she’ll ever know.

The girl beside me is Brux. Rose Ann. She is a very funny girl, and I mean it in a good way. Brux and I may not see each other often, but we always got each others’ backs. She is there to listen to my oldest sentiments and I’m there to listen to her rantings, even for nth time. Brux is a person that I admire. For her simplicity, for her childishness, and for her maturity.. all together. She is what she is and she understands who and what I really am.

Last Sunday was one of my happiest. I get to spend the whole afternoon doing crazy stuff with some of the people I love most.

Labers night + Brux

This one here.. is my Labs. Francesca. She’s been my friend for a very loooooooong time now. We’ve been through a lot of things, and she’s a part of everything that I am, naks. But yes, Labs is very important in my life. She’s the person I turn to when I’m down.. sad.. discouraged..stressed..happy..excited.. or whatever it is that I am feeling. I don’t know how I’ll be able to deal with everything I’m facing if it weren’t for her.. Labs labbbbbb labs.

Sooooo, even though my family is not around. I have these beautiful, wonderful people beside me.. nothing can go wrong.

Newsflash

Maybe I should stop thinking too much because it doesn’t get me anywhere. On the other hand, being locked in my own room did give me some new perspective in life…

1. You should always take credit/accountability over the people relying on you
2. A machine will eventually get tired, but while you’re at it, just let them do whatever they want
3. Be a Kim Chiu
4. You don’t need to have powers to be a hero..
5. There are lots of things going on in my mind(like these ones above) and I don’t want to embarrass myself by writing them all down here. haha

Everyone needs a change of perspective every once in a while. As for me, I took a wrong turn and I’m going to be responsible for it. Like what I told my labs, I’ve decided. Whatever happens. It’s not my fault.

On other news:

Mar Roxas is giving way to Noy Noy Aquino?

Yes, he just did.

No one ever expected for Sen. Aquino to run, until after his mother former Pres. Cory Aquino passed away. Some are saying that Sen. Aquino is not the best shot of the opposition for presidency, some even say that he is just doing this because of his parents who are both popular for their passion for democracy. I’m saying, we should at least give Sen. Aquino the chance.

The recent event of Cory’s death has awakened a sleeping passion from the Filipino people and that is unity. Against all odds, we can be united. It doesn’t matter where you’re from or what you do. We are one, and that’s what our leaders should realize.

Roxas’s move to give way to Aquino was noble. It is not easy to give up something that you really really want. Looking at it in the student leader’s perspective, passion is something that you cannot stop. I admire Roxas for being able to sacrifice, for the good of the majority. It is not easy, giving up something that you’re really good at, but he did it anyway.

2010 is just a few months away. Everything can happen. Let’s just hope that people see what they really want. It’s about time that we make the right decision. If we’re not going to choose the right, who will?